I am an infant in Christ

It's 11:30 PM and I'm pacing my apartment with my screaming 1-month old infant daughter in my arms.  I'm begging her to calm down.  I'm all-out pleading with this tiny person to please be a good girl - to please give Mommy a break - to stop acting crazy (please don't judge me if you would never call your child crazy - sorry).  By this point, I'm the one that's going crazy.

I can not figure out what is wrong. I can't seem to do anything to soothe her.  I feel defeated. I'm alone at home, defeated and frustrated.

I start listing to her all that I had tried - "I changed you.  I fed you.  I sang to you. I bathed you.....What can I do? What do you want?"

Just then a thought crossed my mind.  "I wonder if that's what God thinks about me?"

I've spent years crying and crying through various stages in my life and experiences, and God has simply continued to feed me, protect me, try to change me. Through my struggles with depression when I spent hours and hours crying, what was God feeling?

I have everything I need; God has provided for me beautifully and yet I still find myself weeping to him.  Just like my tiny baby I am an infant in Christ.

I wonder if God ever looks down at me and sighs with frustration.  I wonder if he ever feels at a loss for what would soothe me.  We learn though bible scriptures that God will provide what we ask for; that God is an everlasting father who will always love us, guide us and forgive us.

God is the ultimate example for any parent.  And yet, as I look into my screaming baby's face I can not muster up a slither of the patience my God has  shown me.

Genesis 28:15    I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land.  I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you. 

You remember back when you were younger and you wanted something and your parents or family wouldn't get it for you - "for your own good". Or when you were forced to eat those darn vegetables when you hated it - but it was "for your own good".  I find myself thinking if parenthood is something God put into my life "for my own good".  Our father God knows everything before its happened, right?  Was he on his throne one day listening to my desperate cries when he decided he would give me a responsibility that would change me at the very core?

I'm terrified of my new role as Mommy.  I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't know how to soothe someone else when I myself need soothing.  And selfishly, I don't know how to truly care for someone else's every single need.  I'm simply trying my best.

I am an infant in Christ.  How can I restore my faith?  How can I build up the courage to ask and then know without a shadow of a doubt that my Father is listening and will provide what "is for my own good"?

James 1: 5-6      If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 

Are you an infant in Christ?

Why does the world still hate girls?

Over the last four years I've spent my free time working with and researching girls (and women) and confidence.  I get a thrill each time I learn something new, create another exercise for my Confidence is Key workshops or learn about another organization or group that is doing something positive in this space - for me, it's a total high. There's definitely positive change in our world for girls and women but for every success I come across, I see something else in our social dichotomy that hasn't changed at all, sometimes things have even gone worse.  

You may be asking yourself, where is she going with all this? 
 Recently I gave birth to a baby girl.  For your info, I'm that gal that never ever had baby fever; I thoroughly enjoyed my happy hours with friends, planning vacations freely without a care in the world, and shopping with no guilt or concern. But now I am a mom. It's the scariest, most amazing, weirdest thing ever! What scares me the most is the world's attitude about girls and what my daughter may experience.

On a couple of occasions during my pregnancy I've heard "interesting" comments on my baby's gender. My innocent, unborn baby was already hated. One person literally told me "it better be a boy because I hate girls!" I'm serious this was the exact quote. My heart was crushed and fury raised up inside me. And it was a woman who said it! Her rationale -- "you have to watch girls more and worry more about them."  Wow! Talk about a reverse world.  So you hate girls because you have to watch them because of what boys might do?  This makes no sense to me.  

Another time, while walking to church in Park Slope, Brooklyn, a man standing outside a store checking out women and cat calling them saw me and said "oh another one that is beautiful," I guess trying to entice me with his smooth talking (enter sarcasm here).  He then realized I was sporting my new round belly and said "Oh, congratulations! You're glowing. That has to be a boy." Countless people told me this every day; I was glowing, I was still beautiful - so I had to be having a boy because girls take away all your beauty. 

Ouch.  

When I delivered my baby our family and friends came to visit us at the hospital.  One visitor said if it were a boy he would have loved to help us out and baby sit while we were at work, but because it was a girl he wouldn't do it, "you understand, right?" he said looking at us as if disappointed in our child's gender. No, I'm not sure I do understand.  Is it  possible temptation, your own fears, or lack of interest in what you consider "girl activities"? What is the reason? 

All around me I see messages that show girls they are hated. I wonder if us gals even spot them anymore or if we're just used to it. Not too long ago while riding the N train into Manhattan, I spotted an advertisement overhead on the subway cart for breast augmentation. Now, in itself, a boob job is the woman's choice.  If you want one go for it.  I simply challenge women to think about what is driving that desire. It is simple- dissect your desire and determine for yourself if you have been taught to want it or if the desire is truly yours. Then move forward with what's right for you. No judgements. The ad I saw however pissed me off! It featured a girl with a sad face with small fruits (aka "her boobs") and the same girl with a happy face with large fruits. Look at the ad at the top of this post and tell me what thoughts come to mind. At least some folks have started a discussion around this ad (join in here and here).  

Girls and confidence is a passionate subject for me, and now that I am a mom to a little girl its even more so.  Why does the world still hate girls?  Why are we told what is beautiful or not beautiful about ourselves?   Why are we hated because of what others may be tempted to do?

Does any of this outrage you?  Tell me why or why not.  I'd love to hear! 

4 ways you can honor yourself today

Life just got real for me.

I had my first baby.  A beautiful, tiny but mighty, little girl who is evvvvverything.  She is precious and adorable and smells amazing.  (You know what I mean, that baby smell you want to bottle), I love her!

She's also exhausting me.  I'm tired most of the day - and I've been living in sweats (which I'd never ever wear so often).   But hey, they are clean sweats and I try to match it with my tank top most days!

4 things any woman can do to honor herself today (and everyday if she desires): 

1. Take a long, warm shower with a body wash you absolutely love smelling.  
2. Make a cup of tea and read in a quiet corner for 10 minutes.
3. Lather luxurious lotion on your feet when you go to bed at night.
4. Do something creative - listen to music and dancing along, coloring something beautiful, doing her make up, baking something sweet.... etc ... etc.

I'm vowing to do yummy, delicious, energizing things for myself every day.  What ideas do you have?

Welcome to my blog

Welcome to my blog, She's a Doll. I'm so glad your here!

In our crazy world, not every one regards girls as precious, wonderful and invaluable. But I do.

For the last three years I've been quite obsessed with empowering the females around me - whether it was creating an after school confidence program for teen girls, or simply being the one that's there to tell her gal pals how amazingly fabulous they are - 'biggin' up' girls is part of my DNA.

 I'm a girls girl, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The purpose of this blog is simply to get my voice out further; to share ideas on how we can feel more confident in our daily lives, how we can raise confident and powerful little girls, and how to use your daily fashion choices as a tool to feel unstoppable. And for me to hear  the thoughts, hopes, fears and ideas of the women out there reading it.

Come join me on this journey; a confident woman can change the world!

Kisses dolls. I can't wait to hear from you.